whenshewasnice | Room 227, Tuesday Afternoon

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Room 227, Tuesday Afternoon

Some days were easier than others. This was not one of those days. Natalie's focus was shot to hell. She'd tried playing the keyborad, studying, even looking up bows online because she really needed one of her own – but nothing could hold her concentration for long. And she hated that. There were few things worse than feeling off balance, when you were her. And she knew the reason, too.

That just made it worse.

The photo booth strip was still on her desk and kept catching her eye. With a sigh, she picked it up, holding it delicately, just the very edge between her thumb and finger. They looked happy there, her and Sam. Happy and comfortable. It was weird how wide the gap between that and how she felt like on her own had grown.

And of course since Fandom was nothing if not utterly unhelpful, there was a snowman with mistletoe hands hanging around her dorm room door. She'd made it go out into the hallway once already, but with her lost in less than positive thoughts now, it was already poking its head in again.

[ooc: Mostly for one who knows who he is, but open door/post, sure!]

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"Okay what the hell is all this?" Jace hadn't been chased around by snowmen today because he was...well, he wasn't cheerful but he wasn't exactly grumpy today either. Guess the snowmen didn't follow people that were feeling so-so.

Natalie did her very best not to look startled and/or guilty as she put the photos face down on her desk before turning to glance towards the door.

"It's a snowman," she said. "It keeps trying to come in."

"Well why don't you let him in?" Jace asked. "It's not like you couldn't handle it if he went nuts and tried to kill you."

"I think it's trying to make me merry."

Yes, she sounded like that was a worse thing than attempted murder. Meanwhile, the snowman rustled its mistletoe hands at Jace. It was watching him for signs of grumpiness too, you know!

That was...just creepy. Jace slid past the snowman and into the room because standing in the doorway with it was just weird.

"Tis the season and all that," he said. "Though the mistletoe hands are a little much."

"I think it's all a little much," Natalie told him dryly. "But I've spent December in Fandom before, I should've known this was coming."

"So the island is always into Christmas festivities?" Jace asked. "I admit I did like the powdered sugar snow."

"Took almost a week to get it all out of my hair," Natalie replied. That got the snowman to try and step in to the room.

She got up to go close the door in its face. "Probably could've been worse, though."

Jace chuckled a little at the mistreatment of the snowman, almost wishing he had his own to do that to. "Why was he trying to make you merry anyway?"

Natalie wasn't the most cheerful person in the world, true, but Jace wouldn't consider her someone that needed a dose of merriment.

Natalie shrugged, like she wasn't sure. That was utterly fake, of course. "Just not having a great day," she said. "In a longer row of not great days."

"Any specific reason?" he asked. "Or would you like me to guess?"

You probably didn't want him to guess, Natalie.

"I think making you guess would still be more fun than telling you is going to be."

And that was saying something, because she really didn't want him to guess. She was stalling.

"My money says I'll get it right on the first try," Jace said. "And then you won't feel as aloof and mysterious anymore. Do you really want that?"

"I'll remain mysterious," she pointed out, wandering back over to her desk, "because even if you can guess the things I do, you have no clue why I do them."

Jace shrugged. "That's true. But when it comes to that guy you insist on spending time with I don't really care to understand why you do things."

"His name is Sam," Natalie said, oh so neutral. She picked up the photos again, mostly to have a natural reason not to look up. "So did you know we got back together?"

"I had my suspicions." Namely no rain clouds following you around, Natalie. "Also I've seen enough Lifetime movies since moving to this island to know that you never break up just once."

"I didn't want to break up in the first place." Back then, was sort of implied. Vaguely. She didn't really want to do it now, either, but. Things weren't improving. "You need to find something better to watch."

"Someone breaks up with me and I wouldn't give them the chance to do it again." He wasn't about to be distracted by television talk!

Damn his Shadowhunter focus.

"You wouldn't let anyone close enough to you for a break up to happen to begin with"

"This is true," he agreed with a nod. "But I was speaking in nigh-impossible hypotheticals."

"I guess this is where I should wish a broken heart on you." But she wasn't convinced he hadn't already suffered through that before. These attitudes didn't just happen on their own.

She tapped her fingertip against the edge of the strip of photographs. "Or say any number of other mean things, especially about why I keep you around. But saying any of those won't actually make me feel any better."

"Well I'm thankful for that." He thought about those types of things enough on his own. "But am I right in assuming he's why there's a weird snowman outside your door?"

"I'm surprised it isn't trying to break the door down." Little bit of very weak humour there. Except for how it was a very real possibility. "I think I'm considering breaking up with him."

That...actually left Jace without words for a few moments. "The Lifetime movies were right."

Well, at least it kept Natalie from getting too gloomy when she could be dry and a little judgmental instead.

"You really need to not watch those."

"They're funny," he said defensively. "I'm sorry, it's just a bit confusing. He breaks up with you, you get all mopey because he breaks up with you. Then you get back together and now...you want to break up again. I'm not saying I don't approve, it's just confusing."

"I don't want to break up," Natalie replied, putting the photos back on the desk before pushing her bangs from her eyes. "I just don't know what else to do. What made us break up in the first place hasn't exactly been resolved."

Much though Sam had tried.

"Did you try or did you just ignore it?" Because Jace knew allll about ignoring problems just to keep things happy.

"Well, I didn't move to Seattle." Did that count as ignoring it? "I think that would've been the only way to permanently fix things, on my part."

Jace nodded, understanding. "He didn't expect you to move out there, did he?"

"No. Like I didn't expect him to move back here, either." She pushed her hair away from her face again. Sometimes fidgeting was the price to pay for keeping up her neutral tone. "Which would be fine, if I expected one of us to make the move eventually."

"Ah. I see the problem there." Jace nodded again. "I'd offer advice, but it would hardly be unbiased."

"I don't come to you for unbiased anything." She hadn't come to him at all, in fact. But he was there, and he was probably her best friend, no matter how tragic that may have been. "I know you better than that. I assume your advice is along the lines of dumping him and moving on."

"You know me so well," he said, smiling slightly. "You have to admit it's pretty sound advice."

"Except for the part where we're in love and I hate that I can't keep this going."

But, you know. Other than that.

"The fact that you can't keep it going is probably a sign you aren't as in love as you think you are," he pointed out. "Isn't love supposed to conquer all, pierce the veil of darkness, blah blah blah..."

Natalie rolled her eyes, though even that was a cover for something else. "I miss him all the time," she said. Dryly, even if it didn't make sense. "If anything, I'm too attached."

"More of a reason to end it," he said. "Especially if it's making you miserable all the time."

"I'm not miserable when I'm with him, though." Quite the opposite. But it didn't balance out. She sighed. "But I know."

"Something has to change, that much is clear," Jace said. "Not going to say breaking up won't be unbearable for awhile, but if you can't see any way of fixing this..."

"I'm talking to you and not him," Natalie pointed out, with a wryness that was kind of close to being just sad, even if it wasn't that obvious. "A pessimistic person might say that means I've alreday made up my mind and am just delaying the inevitable."

"And I'm just pessimistic enough to agree with that," Jace said. "And you know the longer you wait the worse it's gonna be."

"Yeah, but the longer I get without Sam hating me."

Because he would. She was sure.

Jace shrugged. "Going to hurt either way, I guess. But I don't know if you want to do it right after Christmas gifts have been exchanged. Or New Year's. That's worse."

Then Valentine's...yeah she picked a terrible time of year to do this.

Natalie had noticed that, yes. "I know," she said, again. "Everything is going to suck for a long time, whatever I do."

Yeah, she was really surprised the snowman wasn't trying to crash through the door right now.

"You know, normal friends would probably be hugging right now."

Jace wrinkled up his nose. "I thought we would save that for birthdays and funerals."

Natalie huffed out an amused sound, looking down at her desk. "You don't have to if you don't want to," she assured him. "I'm not exactly rushing into your arms either."

Mostly because, as her soon to be ex boyfriend had noticed many times over, she was crap at getting that kind of thing out of people.

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Room 227, Tuesday Afternoon

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